Wednesday, August 20, 2008

If I were in the Olympics....

The more amusing side of the training of an Olympic athlete. The one that no one speaks of.

video

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Big Momma: cost saving extraordinaire

We have not had AC in the Big Momma household for at least 2 years. I have never cared much as I like to have the doors and windows open in the summer. A few weeks ago, the Mister had some companies come out and take another look. You see, he is a very sweaty man and AC is just as important to him as sex. Apparently all that was needed was a new valve thingamabobby. A $400 valve thingamabobby. So like fools with money to burn, we agreed.

Today 2 guys came to replace the valve. After they left, I call Mr. Big Moma to tell him that his sweaty days and nights are over: the AC finally works! Here is the actual conversation:

BM: "Hi honey. The AC guys just left."

MBM: "Is it working?"

BM: "Well, my nipples are hard!"

MBM: "Sweet. How did you pay them?"

(This question shocked me because the 2 of us searched the entire house to find our checkbook, which seems to always be missing even though we hardly ever write check.)

BM: "With sex."

MBM: "Good girl. Always saving me money. Love you shit head."

BM: "Love you mother fucker."

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Fun Monday: The Quiz Mastress strikes!

Lisa over at Lisa's Chaos is our lovely hostess for this week's Fun Monday. Her challenge to us is:

What is one thing you would like to ask your readers? Come up with a question to pose to your visitors and throw it out there on Monday. As we’re all visiting each other’s Fun Monday posts we should answer the various questions we come across.OR Show&Tell me about a bird, I’m easily made happy.

Now I would love to chicken out and show and tell about a bird, but sadly, on my list of fears, birds rank #2. This is a tough one because I'm almost certain that the only people that read my blog, outside of the traffic on Monday, are a few friends and family members. Reaching international blogging fame is high on my list of hopes, but it hasn't happened yet.

I will say that this challenge reminds me of a topic that comes up frequently between my mother, sister and myself. As we sit and chat, ok, gossip about others, we always ask, "What do people say about us?" We are not necessarily a catty bunch, but we have come up with nicknames over the years for those who interest us the most. A few of my favorite:

The Breads: Big Bread and Little Bread. They are brothers who grew up eating nothing but white bread and cheese. Even at Thanksgiving. Even when my Uncle took us to McDonalds.

Big Head Bread: My cousin and cousin of Big & Little Bread. I'm positive that her head weighs more than her entire body.

Alice Cooper: Mother of BHB. When people ask who this so and so is, we will say look for Alice Cooper. They always pick right. And then laugh hysterically.

Tire Gut: Mother of Big and Little Bread. I guess she ate all of the normal food in their house and it took its toll on her waste line.

Little Head: some guy that my mom sees at a local pub. She doesn't know him from Adam.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. So for this FM challenge, I am going to cheat a bit and use a slight variation on this theme.

Here are the things that I would like to ask my readers:

1. Does anyone outside of my friends and family actually read this?

2. Who do you perceive me to be? A mean, nasty and bitter woman who swears too much? A total neurotic that needs to be locked up ASAP? Someone who uses entirely too much hand sanitizer?

3. What would you like to know about me that you don't already? Would you like to know what I look like? Do you wonder if my butt really is that big (I do look like one of those rap guys girlfriends)? Does you wad or fold your toilet paper before wiping? How does your husband put up with your crap? Don't blow your wad asking this one. I can tell you the answer: percocet. Lots of percocet. Washed down with vodka.

I know what you are thinking, too many questions. They call me the Quiz Master for a reason. So I guess my point is, ask me anything that you want. Other than asking my true identity. Because if I told you that I'd have to kill you. And that would be unfortunate for me because then I'd have one less reader. And I promise you that I don't have any to spare!

A few quick shout outs.....

Today is Mr. Big Momma's birthday. He is 29 plus 12. And not a gray hair on his head. Lucky bastard.

This is my 100th post! Yeah me. I hope you can see the confetti flying.