Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Smooth move, Exlax

Tee, hee, hee. My Dad used to say that all the time when I did something stupid and it still make me chuckle.

So I’m wondering, is there an Exlax specifically for bloggers? Because I have been backed up for some time. After Mr. Big Momma and I discussed my masturbatory habits for an hour or so tonight (another post, kittens, I promise!), I was telling him how neglectful I have been with my blog. And how I wasn’t really neglectful because I have 5 posts saved in Word that I just haven’t posted. He was curious as to why I haven’t posted them (see future, already written post to be posted someday…). I told him that I haven’t posted them because I wasn’t feeling them. The foundation was laid (you: mind, out of gutter, please), but the details weren’t falling into place. He then told me that sometimes you need to settle with “B” work. Ha! “B” work is not part of who I am, unless I am posting six beers in.

So here I am, 3 beers in and feeling the urge to post. I’m half way there. So for tonight, you get random thoughts.

Random thought #1: If you play tennis, you should have full sight. There is this woman on my tennis league who I really think is blind. I say this because her eyes seem unable to focus on a human being. Now it would be really interesting if she was blind and able to play tennis. I am fairly certain that she is not blind because every week she shows up and does in fact play tennis. But her googly eyes still are troubling to me….

Random thought #2: The best shot in tennis, if you are playing at the net, is to hit the ball directly at the person playing the net on the other side of the court. Even though my tennis skills are somewhat lacking, I still can do this from time to time. Every time I do it, I apologize. I did it to my tennis coach on Saturday and of course, apologized profusely. She told me to shut the hell up. So when I was telling this to Mr. Big Momma tonight, I told him that sometimes in sports, you have to take a ball to the face. I am so willing to do this. Take a ball to the face and congratulate the person who hit it for hitting the perfect shot. Unfortunately though, many of the women on this league to do not feel the same way. Maybe because I have been married for 10 years, I am just used to taking balls to the face. Thanks Mr. Big Momma for the prep work. And again, just a reminder, please get your mind out of the gutter. You are really sick. Sick, sick, sick. Tee, hee, hee….I just said balls, like, 80 times. Balls, ha, ha, ha!

Random thought #3: There is woman that I met several months ago who is almost certainly the future me. The me at 55. And I have to tell you that I love her. Not just because she is cool as hell, but because she calls me “kiddo.”

Random thought #4: My best gay calls me kitten. I love this moniker. In fact I told him several weeks ago over a brutal Uno game that he doesn’t call me kitten anymore and that I thought we were no longer BFF’s. In this case, BFF=best fruit fly. Because he is my best gay, he immediately kittened me all up and all was right in my world. Best gay’s can do that to a girl.

Random thought #5: Mr. Big Momma asked me tonight to choose my best moniker: kitten vs. kiddo. As if! I cannot and will not choose.

Random thought #6: Holy shit, it is almost 2009. Scary shit. Don’t even ask me about New Year’s resolutions. Too much FUS (fucked up shit) wrong with me to even consider.

Random thought #7: I swear, one of my resolutions is to post up the crap that I have socked away. Your NY resolution is to be very, very afraid.

47 comments:

Dave said...

Hey Kiddo,

Posting frequency is irrelevant with feed readers. You can post once a year and people will come back.

The absolute worst is the bloggers who think the world hinges on their post. They start every "late" post
"Dear readers, I'm sorry ...." No one cares.

So, that said, I like the 3 beer post. I'm fascinated with courage of a blind woman playing tennis. Bring a camera next time. If she is blind, she won't notice, and we'll all benefit.

ps, please publish your resolutions.

Dave said...

ps, another good source of blogging inspiration is Facebook. ... "Minnie Jo and Bobbie are holding hands using the Holding Hands Application"

Can you believe Mark Zuckerburg (FB creator) is a billionaire over that shit?

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are so right about the bloggers who are sorry to not post. I feel more like a loser because I like doing it so much. I suppose I need to get into a routine.

I was unaware of the "hand holding application." I'm going to head over to FB right now.

CBM

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