Monday, August 4, 2008

Number 1 vs. Number 2

Well, it is official. I have been thinking (more than normal) about poo for the last 24 hours thanks to this week's Fun Monday challenge. See below if you missed it. A few random comments to close out the day:

1. I am shocked that my sister did not post to this. Not only is she an excellent crapper and a DADS veteran, her lifelong nickname is POOP. I couldn't make that up if I tried. No one seems to know why she is called Poop, but we do know that it is short for Poop-ca. I told you my family was weird. She also has one of the best poop stories for your money. I won't tell it since it is hers to tell, but I will tell you that it involves beer, beds and cupcakes. All of the makings of a great story, at least in my family. Love you guys!

2. My thoughts earlier today began transitioning from poo to pee. You see our Vet has asked for a pee sample from Sasha the wonder dog. I was a bit worried about how I would get this, even for a professional pee catcher. Many years ago as a grad student at Ohio State, I was involved in a study with the vet school. And when I say "involved," I mean I was their bitch. The vet school was trying to see how long certain enhancement drugs lasted in the urine of various animals. Every morning, I would have to get up and go collect the pee of 20 fat, poo splattered, lazy pigs. In order to do this, I had a long stick with a cup holder on the end. I would put my sample cup in and wait for a pig to pee. As soon as one would crouch, I would stick my cup stick under their pig business and hope for the best. I had to get up at the butt crack of dawn so that I could drive the 45 minutes to the farm and be there before the pee fest began. Pigs, much like humans, have peeing as their number one prioritory as they start their day. Sasha does not like to have someone watch her when she does her business, so I was fearful that all of my pee collecting experience would go down the drain. But, I was a successs right out of the gate. Yeah me...not all that I learned in grad school is a loss.

3. If it rains tonight, you have me to thank since I watered my flowers today. What a sad bunch they were. I hope they perk up by morning.

4. I am shit shocked that I wasn't tossed out of the Fun Monday group.

5. I have to go to campus tomorrow, so it most certainly will be raining. You can thank me or curse me, your choice.

6. I also have a great story about collecting horse semen, but I'll save that for another time. A time when you might be less grossed out. I think I have exceeded the gag limit for today.

Goodnight all. Sweet dreams. Hopefully mine will not be excrement filled. Unlikely since I ate sausage for dinner.

P.S. I typed pig, picture and peeing into Google and all I got was a bunch of nasty porn sites. And that is my public service message for the day.


Anonymous said...

Bertha, thank you for the rain! All of these pee stories make me think of our kidney issues. And by the way, I very rarely offer up my childhood nickname. Perhaps your entire family screaming poop at you during a school event may scare you away from offering up this information.

Big Momma said...

Sorry if I have caused you pain sister!

Big Momma said...

p.s. A good thing that nobody reads this sucker anyway....

Anonymous said...

I haven't been able to eat cup cakes in over 7 years!!!!!!!!!