Wednesday, November 7, 2007

You Drive me Crazy

When the shit hits the fan, what is a girl to do? Reach for a brewskie, which is exactly what I've done tonight.

I remember telling my sister a few weeks ago that you need to embrace and remember the days that go by without trouble. They seem to be few and far between these days. I suppose that is just life. My BIL has been home for a few weeks and is doing very well. His HOLE (and I mean trach hole, Mom) has left him sounding like Barry White. Dark, deep and silky. Once it heals, he will get his normal voice back, but I have to say that the Barry voice does intrigue me.

With BIL home, I figured that life would be without drama for a while...after all, I think we deserve it. Foolish me for thinking that the karma police would keep the crap away.

As you already know, Mr. Big Momma was originally someone else's Mr. Big Momma. They divorced many years ago (before I got involved with him, of course) but not before having a child. Jr. is a great kid and I am so lucky to have him in my life. But this life is not without drama. I suppose that it is impossible to avoid drama when you have a baby momma in your life.

Mr. Big Momma called me yesterday and told me that the baby momma wants to home school Jr. Now let me tell you that BM is an idiot, borderline retarded, at least as far as I'm concerned. I know what you are wife, bitter of her hubby's ex. So not true. Maybe I'll explain more about this in a future post. But I will tell you the same story that I tell everyone who finds out that my hubby had a child with another woman and asks me how the relationship works. This is the story that sums it up best. Unfortunately there are many other sad stories to tell about her, her relationship (or lack there of) with Mr. Big Momma and her relationship (or lack there of) with Jr. Brace yourself, this is a doosy (sp? remember, I have already had 2 beers, enough to make me an idiot). When Jr. was younger and the baby momma wanted to communicate something to Mr. Big Momma, SHE WOULD TAPE A NOTE ON JR'S BACK. This is a true story, I have witnesses. As hard as this is to believe, it is TRUE. She is a witch who uses every opportunity to get back at Mr. Big Momma via Jr.

I hope everyone out there can understand how frustrated I was to learn that Jr.'s education would now be in the hands of an idiot. It frustrates me enough that his current science teacher can't teach her way out of a paper bag. You science geeks out there would be shocked to see her notes on cellular respiration. Ugh! I spend about an hour on Monday trying to explain this topic to Jr. who was totally confused. I got why. Her notes confused me!

Tonight I had Jr. all to myself due to Mr. Big Momma's work situation. These situations do not come up often. He is a devoted father who would cut off his dick, if he had to, in order to see his son. We talked about the home schooling situation after dinner and boy did I get an earful. Here is a quick summary of what I learned:

1. Baby momma tells Jr. that she wants nothing to do with Mr. Big Momma. She does not want to commincate with him at all.
2. Jr. feels that he can't tell Mr. Big Momma the reality of his life at the other house. He doesn't want to upset his father with the details of his life there.
3. Jr. feels that no one at baby momma's house cares about him, especially baby momma and Mr. Baby Momma.
4. Jr. is pissed that baby momma doesn't want to go to school events because Mr. Big Momma will be present.
5. He is also pissed about the fact that baby momma tells him that she will make 100% of the decisions and refuses to involve Mr. Big Momma.
6. He doesn't understand why baby momma hates me so much and why she won't let him call me Mom. The reality is he has called me Mom for years. Probably about 7 years. Jr. actually made me a card on my birthday way back when which said that his present to me was to call me Mom. He actually asked me if this was ok. Of course I cried like a little bitch. Prior to being called Mom, he called me "His/My Big Momma" which I loved. I wouldn't care if he called me Darth Vader. We have been lucky and have always shared a special relationship. If he never called me Mom, I would have been OK with that. Titles have never been important to me.
7. Jr. is going to a therapist with baby momma and Mr. Baby Momma. He told me that the only way therapy would work was to have the 5 of us attend. Agreed.

I could continue on writing this list until tomorrow morning. This kid totally spilled his guts to me. I know how hard it is to have divorced parents and knew that he was struggling with it, but I had no idea of the extent of the damage. His own mother is creating major drama in his life. So much drama that he doesn't know which way is up.

I will do WHATEVER it takes to make things better for him. I am committed to doing that. I have been committed to this kid from day one. I would have never married his father if I wasn't. My heart is breaking as I think of what a long road this is going to be. Any advice or insight would be helpful.

My sister told me yesterday that she is willing to wage her own war against baby momma. She said that she was willing to egg her house, egg her car, TP her yard, prank call her, run her over, you get the idea. Could you ask for a better sister? The support is greatly needed, so thanks Poop! Yes, my sister's nickname is Poop....I'll save the explanation for another day. My 'family' nickname was Bertha Butt. This was way before anyone new about J. Lo, so I think I am the original.

On a more positive note, one of my very best friends has started her own blog. She actually posted that my blog was her inspiration. Shocking isn't it? She must be just as insane as I am. Probably explains why we are such good friends. I will say though, that having a blog is one of the most therapeutic things. So thank you to all of you out there. I really appreciate your support.

Jr. could after all, be worse off. His last name could be Spears. It is my nature to always find the silver lining.

p.s. I apologize for my drunken writing. Need to get some sleep.


Anonymous said...

Divorced parents that do not want to cooperate with each other (or at least pretend to) is the worst. I feel for what Jr. is going through. He knows how much you guys love him and that is what is really important.

I will whisper the B*!?# word if I ever walk by babies momma and deny it.

Anonymous said...

Had to jump over here and read your blog after reading Cheese Hater's blog, and, boy, am I glad I did!

What a $ITCH! And I'm with your sister -- drive bys, eggings, toilet paper and doughnuts in her yard!

This woman is going to f#$% up Jr. big time if she hasn't done so already. I think Jr. needs to be encouraged to speak out and make his wishes heard ASAP...

Okay. I'm starting to calm down.

Good for you for talking to Jr. though! He probably really needed that and I'm sure he trusts you explicitly. And having a son who was Jr.'s age a couple of years back, I know that this age brings forth a lot of emotion and introspection about their life. This is about the age where they start analyzing their lives and surroundings, and they start expressing themselves with things like music, writings, art! So encourage his outlets for release.. whatever that might be.

Maybe he should start a blog! (in addition, of course, to seeing a family counsellor)

He's lucky to have you, Big Momma!

Hugs, Little One

Big Momma said...

Thanks for the walk by insults. She is probably used to people calling her a B, so you might have to mix it up a little.

Doughnuts in her yard...hmmm, interesting.

Isn't is just hard enough to be 15 1/2 without all the baby momma drama?

April said...

WOW - for once in my life I'm speechless. When I heard some of the stories you told me - I didn't think it could get any worse! But this is a doozy! I'm completely shocked by the fact that this woman is letting her anger at Mr. BM eat her up inside. That is a sign of truly pathetic, miserable and lonely woman - I mean give it a freakin' rest already! I'm convinced that baby momma is Bi-Polar, schyzo who's in dire need of some pharmacutical grade remedies! Similarly to my baby momma situation...have you noticed that come 4th quarter (starting in Oct.) they tend to get even crazier??? It's the holidays - people like that become paralyzed by some weird depression and treat those closest to them like garbage.

Okay - enough with my angry tirade for BM. She's made it apparant that she's a complete nut bag! I feel sorry for Jr., but am thankful that you are in his life. You are a shining example of a strong, secure woman - the complete opposite of his biological mom. Jr. is going to be affected by his mother's actions - that is the harsh reality. But having you in his life will keep him grounded. You and Mr. Big Momma are showing him how healthy parents behave. You are giving him the stability that he so obviously lacks with BM. The fact that he chose to share his deepest feelings with you (not Mom or dad), speaks volumes about the love & respect that he has for you! Being the "step" mom (I hate that term, b/c the way I see it - you're more of a mother to him than BM, but I digress) is a hard role to play - It's a constant balancing act! But you are his "safe place"...and no matter how hard BM tries to dimish that - you will always hold a special place with JR. In times like these, take comfort in that.

Ok - I'm getting sappy - let me stop myself before I get too mushy. On to this home school idea... Part of me is hoping that this is merely a phase that she's going through that will pass. But considering everything that I've learned about BM - I don't think that's the case. My guess is she's doing this to get back at Mr. big mamma - like you said she's always used Jr. in that capacity. So one should ask themselves what response is she looking for from Mr. Big? Does she WANT to make him angry? And will she follow through on her threat to home school if it does make him angry? If that's the case, then I wonder if a little reverse pshychology might do the trick....??? Hmmm...maybe have Mr. Big change tactics with her....hear her out. Make BM verbalize the committment that she supposedly wants to make with choosing to home school him. Ask her how many hours a day she'll be teaching, what is the curriculum she'll be teaching, is she aware that this a committment she'll have to make for many years, what will she do to ensure JR. gets the full high school experience - how will she make up for him missing prom, football games, etc, etc...
And maybe, just maybe she'll think to herself that she's biting off more than she can chew. I have a feeling that Jr. will speak up and not let BM home school him. He's a smart boy, and I doubt he'd go for spending hours & hours with the looney bird.

I too can go on for hours on this topic - it is one I know all too well! Being the fixer that I am - I'm longing for the words to make it all better for you. Those words are non-existent...I can only leave you with a cheesy catch phrase (and a line from a Kanye West song): What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! And know that you are not alone - there are millions of women dealing with situations like this - just be glad you're not the crazy BM - imagine living life in her shoes - ugghhh - I shudder at the thought! In the meantime, take it all in stride - karma has a funny way of making an appearance at the most inopportune times.

Hugs from your Cali counterpart!

Anonymous said...

Ah, Cheese Hater could NOT comment...

First, the best thing we can do is put all of our energies into Jr. Big Momma. I'm sending the waves now....

Secondly, I feel sorry for Baby Momma Wench. Sorry that the only thing that fuels her life on a daily basis is anger towards another human being. I'm sorry that her life is so friggin pathetic that she has to injure a 15 year old to make a point. That she has to figure out ways to make people unhappy because she is driven by anger.

Third, what she is not acknowledging is that Jr. Big Momma is going to end up hating her. My nephew feels the same right now - he hates/loves his mother. Wench Momma doing serious damage to her own flesh and blood out of spite and let me tell you, it's going to work against her. He'll be loyal because he's a good son, but Jr. Big Momma will always remember this time because of what Little One said - this is the time they are realizing they can make their own decisions and are beginning to understand how people operate.

Has Mr. Big Momma ever thought of going back to court for more custody or is it too expensive? Is it something you two would want?

And I can't say any more than has already been said, but the Universe has put you in Jr. Big Momma's life specifically to help him through this. You're not just a wife, you are guiding light to this creature. You are there to provide the stuff he's not getting. The kid got a great deal when he got you! Man, I wanna check out that bargin bin!

But seriously, my dearest, sweetest, this too shall pass. And you'll, again, come out winning and so will Jr. My heart aches when my friends ache. But I know wiht your brains and compassion, the right thing will come through. It's an unfortunate lesson and I'm not sure who is suppose to learn what but in the end, the right thing will happen. I just know it.

I'm still convinced BIL should be a lounge singer - see that was his destiny! (need a moment of levity).

Gotta go hit some round, green things but until I log on again...

The Cheese Hatin Shaq has spoken.

Big Momma said...

Wow!!! I am so blown away by the comments. It is good to know that:

1. I am not crazy.
2. Others feel that the situation is out of control.
3. I have such great friends and family in my life.

I love all of you very much. Thanks again.

Big Momma

Tricia said...


Can't believe this malarkey, but glad you have an "action plan" for how to deal with it--group therapy a great idea, will help, obviously, but also your care and support & willingness to try to solve the problem will teach Jr. important lessons about how to face difficulties in life: find someone you trust to talk to, reveal your feelings and express your needs, work on getting those needs met. See? you are wonderful in way you don't even THINK about!

brandim said...

I deal with some of the exact things you are dealing with.


My husband's BM acts so immature, it makes your husband's BM pale in comparison. This includes, but is not limited to, refusing to give us his son's new insurance numbers so we will have them in case of an emergency when they are in our care, changing visitation plans at the last second and not answering the phone when we show up to pick them up, telling the sons we are why she has no money (my husband already sends her 3 times the amount he is supposed to for child support), putting my husband on the "donotvisit" list at their daycares, and a host of other offenses.

And this is just in the past 6 months.

She is a control freak and is a stupid b**ch, which makes her dangerous.

I would like to say I want revenge on her, but revenge is only an attempt to make one as miserable as yourself. I am not miserable, so I cannot say I seek revenge on her. That is her department. I just sit back and laugh and watch the self-destruction.

Thankfully, most of our troubles will be solved at next week's court hearings.

As for the home schooling, I think your husband should contact a lawyer to have that assessed. If there is no apparent immediate need for the removal of the child from teh public school district, she can be prohibited from doing that. In addition, if she and your husband share joint custody, he has to be involved in issues that involve schooling so she would not be able to do it without his consent.

Just a few words of wisdom