Friday, October 12, 2007

Writing for therapy purposes

Everywhere I turn lately, I see sadness and grief. I was walking up the stairwell in the Chemistry building at Wright State the other day. I could hear a human noise, which I first took for laughter. As I got closer, I realized it was crying. Hysterical crying. As I came up the steps I saw a young girl on her cell phone. She had her back up against the wall and wailed as she slid down the wall until she was sitting. Earlier today I had to take Snoop Doggy Dog to the vet to have her foot bandage changed. As I waited in the lobby an older women came out of one of the exam rooms without her pet in tow. She had a wad of tissues crumpled in her hand which she would use to wipe the tears from her eyes as she paid for the services rendered. I can see the sadness in the eyes of the families that sit waiting, in the ICU lobby. But, the more I looked at these families, I started to see more than sadness. I saw hope. It was always there, I just didn't notice it. It is everywhere, really, if you look for it. Because my B.I.L. is in ICU, we can only see him during visiting hours. During the first hour this morning, he winked at my sister. He treated us to several thumbs ups during our next two visits. He has been finding other creative ways to communicate with us since he has a breathing tube in his mouth and has no other choice. We now know what two fingers mean, right L? Hope, hope, hope and hope. Right in our faces. Things are getting better, but there are getting better so slowly that it is hard to notice the changes. So, we have no choice but to look at the small steps of progress that have been taken this week. At least they have been forward moving steps.

Today was a very long day, followed by a very long week. I knew I would have the house to myself tonight as the guys signed up to be in a golf tourney. I guess they use glow in the dark balls, weird, right? So I did what any self respecting 34 year old woman would do. No, I didn't drink heavily. Thought about it, but didn't. I cranked the stereo and had a one woman dance party while I cleaned the house. It felt so good to jump around, wiggle my hips and poorly sing along to my favorite songs. I gave the concert of my lifetime. I forgot how powerful music can be. Isn't it weird how you can find meaning in so many different songs? How a song's meaning can change, depending on the mood you are in. The extra bonus to all of this is that my house is clean!

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