For once in my life, I might be speechless.
Monique and I (sadly) left tennis early tonight so that we could both be home to watch the MTV VMAs. The reason? We wanted to see the comeback performance of Britney Spears. Certainly she had planned the perfomance of her career. We figured we would be dazzled by her dance moves and singing....er, lip syncing. Most importantly, we rushed home wondering, how would Britney shock us this time? Tongue kiss Madonna? Old news. Strip down to a barely there outfit? Been there. Have a snake for a dance partner? Done that. What could she possible do next? It had to be big as this was touted as her comeback performance. I personally was hoping for K-Fed cameo/rap, but no dice. That would have been better than what really happened.
So, for those of you who did not tune in, here is a synopsis of what you missed, in list form, organized by when noticed. (I looked on you tube, hoping to be able to post her performance here, but it wasn't there yet...certainly it will be tomorrow).
1. Boy has she gained a lot of weight. I do remember seeing her on the cover of a tabloid in the grocery store. It appeared that she had quite a bit of cellulite. But, it was the Enquirer, so I figured it wasn't true. Now tonight, I didn't see cellulite, I just saw some flabby thighs and stomach. She was wearing a rather small bikini, so it was difficult to miss them. I certainly think that women experience too much pressure about how much they weight. I know I do. However, I expect my rock stars (can I call her that?) to be fit. If they are not fit, then they should learn to dress to cover up the sore spots like most real women have learned to do. It is sad that she doesn't have that friend who could have told her how inappropriate the outfit was.
2. She was lip synching. No real news here. This is typical for her. Has anyone ever heard her sing?
3. She looked fat. I know I mentioned this already, but I was so taken back by how chunky she looked. I shouldn't be so hard on her.
4. She was wobbly. My husband and 1-L both agree that she looked like she almost fell over a few times.
5. Being wobbly leads me to my fifth point, that she was seriously drugged out of her mind. The rehab stint clearly didn't stick. Britney, we are begging you, please go back!
6. Her new song sucks.
7. The dance moves sucked as well. This is why I am so disturbed by #2.
8. She seemed to not care at all. There was no passion in her moves. She was just going through the motions. Has she given up?
For your own good Britney, I am staging an intervention. Here is what I would like to say to you.
Your behavior has hurt me in the following ways:
I no longer can count on you for catchy yet cheesy songs. My inner 13 year old girl is dying thanks to you. You have broken the spirit of at least two other people that I know. Our lives will never be the same. It pains me to think of how your Mother feels about all of this. What have you done to her little girl?
In order for me to keep you in my life, you are going to have to go back to rehab. Following rehab, I'm hoping that you will return to the BFE town that you grew up in and raise your sons there. Your momma will be there to help you, but you can always call Demi Moore with questions. Eventually the paparazzi will get bored with you, just like I have. From there you can live a normal life where no one will care about how much you weigh or what you are wearing. I know that this sounds boring to you, but trust me, it is for the best. It is also reality for 99% of people on earth.
I will no longer be cheering on your comeback if you continue to do these things and don't accept my help. I will no longer wish evil things to happen to K-Fed. I will no longer wish that you will reconcile with Justin. I will no longer wish for the media to leave you along. Don't just be a baby momma...be a real mom to those boys. They need you now and they are going to need you even more once they realize who you are and what you have done with your life. Be a role model for them.
So please, Britney, accept this offer of help.
Clintonville Big Momma
I really had planned about blogging about the baby shower I attended today. But thanks to Britney, you didn't have to hear about onesies, pack and plays and a room full of women oohing and aahing at everything. It always amazes me how little I know about babies....thankfully!