Richard Simmons is my friend

Last night was our final tennis match of the summer season. The top 4 teams played. Unfortunately we had to play the #1 team. They are #1 due to some strategic serves, excellent ball placement and steroids.


After they kicked our butts, Mr. Roid came up to me. Now I have never once spoken to him and I truly don't even know his name. Here is how our conversation went:


Mr. Roid: "Big Momma, I just want to say keep up the good work."


(This is said as he grabbed and held both of my hands.)


BM: "Thanks?"


I had no idea what he was talking about. At first I thought that maybe he was complementing my tennis game....


Mr. Roid: "I just wanted to say keep up the weight loss. You look really good."


BM: "Thanks?"


Fade to black. Big Momma walks away, wondering what just happened.


I seriously felt like he knew about my secret past. That Richard Simmons had once rescued me by forklifting me out of my bed and delivered me on a flat bed truck to fat camp. He then forced me to wear really small athletic shorts and "deal my meals," while sweating to the oldies.


I will admit, while I have never been grossly overweight, I struggle with my weight, as most 35 year old women do. I will also admit that I joined Weight Watchers in September and am closing in on losing 10 pounds. For the last 10 years, I have participated in WW on and off. I mainly do it when feeling a little chubby and when I know my portion sizes have gotten out of control. My goal was to lose 10% of my body weight and I am nearly there.


So why did I take such offense to his comment? I will sum in up right here. It is really obnoxious to say to someone, even after losing a few pounds, "Boy, you look really good." It implies that you looked really bad before. I thankfully do not suffer from a poor body image. I did WW to primarily work on my health. It FORCES me to eat better, knowing that each and every week, I get weighed by a stranger. The fact that I have to pay $12 each week helps too.

So in order to move on, I would like to rewind and respond with any of the following:

Mr. Roid: "I just wanted to say keep up the weight loss. You look really good."

BM: "Thanks, chemo will do that to you."

BM: "Thanks, the side effects of binging and purging are AMAZING."

BM: "Thanks, go fuck yourself."

BM: "Thanks, go fuck yourself you roid infested, shrunken ball loser. I hope your dick shrivels up and falls off. In your wife's mouth."

Thank you, I'm officially over it.