I am begging you...listen very carefully. I am not responsible for what happens to you if you do not take this advice very carefully. DO NOT GO AND SEE VANTAGE POINT. I REPEAT, DO NOT GO AND SEE VANTAGE POINT. Yes, it stars Forest Whitaker. Don't be fooled by this. This is a terrible movie that wasn't even capable of amusing a teenager. We did have fun on the way home laughing about 1. Dennis Quaid's inablility to act, 2. The number of times they say POTUS and 3. How cars during the chase sequences appeared to be damanged, undamaged and then damaged again. So, that is $21 and 2 hours of my life that I won't get back. Don't make the same poor choice. I voted for Be Kind Rewind, but I never win.....
On to the hard part. I need to make an apology, here it goes.
Dear Girl Scouts of America,
Fellow sisters, you know I love you. But why am I always the last to have your tasty cookies delivered to my house? I hope you can understand, Girl Scouts who stood in front of The Hills Market today, that I felt betrayed when I say you peddling your treats to strangers. Strangers. Non-former Girl Scouts I'm sure. Don't you remember how I chased you down several months ago? You came to my house and Mr. Big Momma ordered. But the foolish man forgot to order the Thin Mints. Once I realized you were a Girl Scout and not selling magazines or crack, you were long gone. I ran like the wind in order to catch you, so determined to get my Thin Mints. So, to Troop 934, I must apologize. You didn't deserve the nasty and unrepeatable words that left my lips when I say you today outside The Hills Market. I was only upset because I felt abandonded, shunned. I can only now offer you my sincerest apology because just a few short minutes ago you knocked upon my door and delivered to me the best box of cookies you can only get once a year. Thank you Girl Scout and Father of Girl Scout (who actually drove her to deliver her cookies). As I am nearly finished with the first sleeve (yes, I am a total pig), I thank you.
Happy Selling,
Clintonville Big Momma
Who links to me?
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Turdsday
Do you ever just feel like a turd? I'm not talking about feeling like crap, sick, illin. I'm talking about feeling like a turd, poop, a deuce. I suppose if you have felt this way, then you know what I am talking about. Why am I feeling this way? Good question. I have been asking myself this for the last couple of hours. The answer? Not quite sure. Just don't feel like myself. Case in point: tonight is parent teacher conferences. I normally LIVE for PTC. One of the highlights of my nerdy existence. But today, I really could care less. I would really rather sit home and toss a few brews back. Fortunately the nerd instinct is still there and I will go just like the good girl that I am. Ever feel tired of being who you are? And I don't mean that in the hurl myself off of a bridge sense. Sometimes I am just exhausted being me. These are the times when a career change crosses my mind. When I feel this way, I always think about becoming a greeter at WalMart. I hate WalMart and refuse to shop there, but doesn't it sound nice to have a job where your sole responsibility is saying hello to people? I'm pretty sure I would do a bang up job. I have been saying hello my entire life and therfore feel that I could be called an expert at it. Executive Senior Greeter? Lead Greeter? President of First Impressions? Hmmm.... The other perk of being a greeter is that there is absolutely no work to take home with you. Unless you count sore feet from standing all day. Or, as my grandma would say, "my dogs are barking" after a long day on her feet. I realize that I would never actually become a WalMart greeter, but the thought of doing something simple does cross my mind from time to time.
So in reality, maybe I feel like a turd because I am tired and ready for the weekend. Unfortunately it will be a "working weekend" for me since I've got a big report due on Monday. Maybe I feel like a turd because the toenail on my right big toe poked a hole in my sock today? I hate walking around with a toe hole. Maybe I feel like a turd because I was hit on by a professor yesterday who had so much hair in his nostrils that I wondered how he was able to breathe. Unfortunately for him, he had more hair in his nose than on his head. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow feeling fresh and non-turd like. I'll keep ya posted.
So, in honor of my feeling like a turd, here is the movie quote for the week:
Person #1: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Person #2: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Person #1: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
So in reality, maybe I feel like a turd because I am tired and ready for the weekend. Unfortunately it will be a "working weekend" for me since I've got a big report due on Monday. Maybe I feel like a turd because the toenail on my right big toe poked a hole in my sock today? I hate walking around with a toe hole. Maybe I feel like a turd because I was hit on by a professor yesterday who had so much hair in his nostrils that I wondered how he was able to breathe. Unfortunately for him, he had more hair in his nose than on his head. Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow feeling fresh and non-turd like. I'll keep ya posted.
So, in honor of my feeling like a turd, here is the movie quote for the week:
Person #1: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Person #2: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Person #1: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Friday, February 15, 2008
You know you are a tool if...
...you have one of those motivational posters, framed, on your office wall. Given that my main goal in life is to help others, here are some alternatives for you to consider.
I must admit that I have been on the lookout for a "Hang in There Baby" poster for many years....
Visit http://www.despair.com/ for more!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Who let the dog in?
Several weeks ago Mr. Big Momma and I made one of the biggest decisions of our married lives: to switch our bulk warehouse membership from Sam's Club to Costco. We have been Sam's member for 10 years, so it was a tough choice. Really. I am a creature of habit. And loyal to a fault. But it was time for a change, so Costo it is!
I love buying things in bulk. It makes me feel efficient and wise. And I love not worrying about running out of garbage bags, dishwashing liquid or laundry soap. If there is a nuclear disaster or some other freakish accident on earth, you will be glad that you know me. My bulk purchases could sustain half of Clintonville for a good few weeks. TP included.
I also buy the dog's pig ears in bulk. Costco had the ears, but they also had dog chicken jerky. I do believe that dogs love pig more than chicken, but maybe after eating the same snack for the last 10 years, it was time for a change for Sasha as well. And boy was I right. I have never seen her inhale food like the jerky. And this from the dog that has been known to carry around a pig ear for days before eating it.
The problem is that now my husband is eating them. Yes, he is a long time fan of jerky. But seriously, dog jerky? Yesterday afternoon I made chocolate chip cookies. They were perfect: chewy, sweet with a hint of salt, just the right about of chips and warm from just coming out of the oven. Mr. Big Momma walked right past MY cookies and helped himself to some dog jerky. He claims that they are really good, as good as human jerky. I am not willing to find out if he is correct. What's a girl to do? Woof, woof.
I love buying things in bulk. It makes me feel efficient and wise. And I love not worrying about running out of garbage bags, dishwashing liquid or laundry soap. If there is a nuclear disaster or some other freakish accident on earth, you will be glad that you know me. My bulk purchases could sustain half of Clintonville for a good few weeks. TP included.
I also buy the dog's pig ears in bulk. Costco had the ears, but they also had dog chicken jerky. I do believe that dogs love pig more than chicken, but maybe after eating the same snack for the last 10 years, it was time for a change for Sasha as well. And boy was I right. I have never seen her inhale food like the jerky. And this from the dog that has been known to carry around a pig ear for days before eating it.
The problem is that now my husband is eating them. Yes, he is a long time fan of jerky. But seriously, dog jerky? Yesterday afternoon I made chocolate chip cookies. They were perfect: chewy, sweet with a hint of salt, just the right about of chips and warm from just coming out of the oven. Mr. Big Momma walked right past MY cookies and helped himself to some dog jerky. He claims that they are really good, as good as human jerky. I am not willing to find out if he is correct. What's a girl to do? Woof, woof.
My So Called Big Fat Head
I finally broke down on Friday and went to the Chiropractor. My upper back/neck has been killing me for the last few weeks. It got to the point where I wasn't sleeping because of it, so I broke down and made an appointment. It has been many years since I've visited a D.C., so I made an appointment with one located in the Ville.
My diagnosis was made very quickly: my head is too big. Well, really it is a neck problem. My neck bones aren't curving as they once were (another sign of old age?) so the weight of my big head is straining my neck and upper back. After many cracks, tugs and whacks, I was out the door and feeling better already.
In honor of my big head, here is the movie trivia for this past Friday. Sorry it is delayed, but I am back up to 80 hours work weeks.
" Look at the size of that boy's heed. I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick. Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow. "
My diagnosis was made very quickly: my head is too big. Well, really it is a neck problem. My neck bones aren't curving as they once were (another sign of old age?) so the weight of my big head is straining my neck and upper back. After many cracks, tugs and whacks, I was out the door and feeling better already.
In honor of my big head, here is the movie trivia for this past Friday. Sorry it is delayed, but I am back up to 80 hours work weeks.
" Look at the size of that boy's heed. I'm not kidding, it's like an orange on a toothpick. Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid. Has it's own weather system. I'm not kidding, that boy's head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! Now that was offsides, wasn't it? He'll be crying himself to sleep tonight, on his huge pillow. "
Remember, no cheating. If this is too easy, just throw up another quote from the movie. There are many good ones!
P.S. My favorite fellow big head. Is it football season yet?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Waiting Is The Hardest Part
I made this suggestion to my sister earlier today as a good title for her blog post for the day. Unfortunately she is too young to remember this most excellent Tom Petty song. I heart TP. He is great to see live, so if you ever get a change, GO!
Truly the hardest part of the day was the waiting. Well, maybe staying awake was, at least for certain members of my family....Get some food into the bellies of the over 5o crowd and watch out. Oh, the head bobbing and jerking themselves into an awake state. So fun to watch. I should have brought my camera with me. Would have made for some interesting posts! I do think that my threats of bowls of warm water, bra freezing and Sharpie markers kept some of them awake...ah, fear is a powerful thing!
On to the news: Transplant was a success. Both donor and recipient are doing well. Drugged beyond belief and doing well. The kidney began working right away, which is outstanding news. The kidney from the last transplant didn't work for a few days and it was miserable waiting. We all practically skipped out of the hospital! The next few days will be tough as pain increases and pain meds decrease. But, this will be good because it will get both of them out of the hospital asap. No pain, no gain, right? Right!
So tonight, raise your glasses and toast the beginning of a new life!! A life of health, hope and inspiration. I plan on spreading the wealth myself!
Truly the hardest part of the day was the waiting. Well, maybe staying awake was, at least for certain members of my family....Get some food into the bellies of the over 5o crowd and watch out. Oh, the head bobbing and jerking themselves into an awake state. So fun to watch. I should have brought my camera with me. Would have made for some interesting posts! I do think that my threats of bowls of warm water, bra freezing and Sharpie markers kept some of them awake...ah, fear is a powerful thing!
On to the news: Transplant was a success. Both donor and recipient are doing well. Drugged beyond belief and doing well. The kidney began working right away, which is outstanding news. The kidney from the last transplant didn't work for a few days and it was miserable waiting. We all practically skipped out of the hospital! The next few days will be tough as pain increases and pain meds decrease. But, this will be good because it will get both of them out of the hospital asap. No pain, no gain, right? Right!
So tonight, raise your glasses and toast the beginning of a new life!! A life of health, hope and inspiration. I plan on spreading the wealth myself!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Everythings going to be alright...finally...
I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure that it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cause everything’s gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright
I heard this Alicia Keys song on my way home tonight. I was at the hospital, along with just about everyone else in my family. After a year of more time spent in the hospital than not, we were all finally there for a good reason. Tomorrow my BIL is getting his kidney!
I found this song to be especially comforting. Finally, everything is going to be alright. I imagine that my sister and her husband would find comfort in these words as well. Tomorrow is such a pivotal day in their lives, I can't even begin to imagine what is going on in their heads. And in the heads of the donor and his wife as well.
This will be my BIL's second transplant. The first was almost 10 years ago and it was from a cadaver. It lived its lifespan of 10 years. When it failed, my BIL was told that his best option for health was to find a live donor. And they did. A true miracle. His donor is actually his best friend, someone that my sister and BIL have known since college. It is really unbelievable that someone would be selfless enough to give such a gift. But that is who this person is. It is even more unbelievable that the donor and his wife had there first child just a few months ago. We will never be able to repay them for their generosity.
So tonight we all rallied around the patients as the transplant surgery will begin tomorrow at 7am. It amazed me how cheerful everyone was, especially the patients. I guess Fleet Enemas are funny, regardless of the situation....
Neal, Michele, Ryan, Leslie...here's to you! Your devotion to one another and your strength is truly an inspiration to us all. I hope that those who hear of your story will learn from your generosity and strive to make the world a better place.
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure that it will only get better
You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don’t worry cause everything’s gonna be alright
People keep talking
They can say what they like
But all I know is everything’s gonna be alright
I heard this Alicia Keys song on my way home tonight. I was at the hospital, along with just about everyone else in my family. After a year of more time spent in the hospital than not, we were all finally there for a good reason. Tomorrow my BIL is getting his kidney!
I found this song to be especially comforting. Finally, everything is going to be alright. I imagine that my sister and her husband would find comfort in these words as well. Tomorrow is such a pivotal day in their lives, I can't even begin to imagine what is going on in their heads. And in the heads of the donor and his wife as well.
This will be my BIL's second transplant. The first was almost 10 years ago and it was from a cadaver. It lived its lifespan of 10 years. When it failed, my BIL was told that his best option for health was to find a live donor. And they did. A true miracle. His donor is actually his best friend, someone that my sister and BIL have known since college. It is really unbelievable that someone would be selfless enough to give such a gift. But that is who this person is. It is even more unbelievable that the donor and his wife had there first child just a few months ago. We will never be able to repay them for their generosity.
So tonight we all rallied around the patients as the transplant surgery will begin tomorrow at 7am. It amazed me how cheerful everyone was, especially the patients. I guess Fleet Enemas are funny, regardless of the situation....
Neal, Michele, Ryan, Leslie...here's to you! Your devotion to one another and your strength is truly an inspiration to us all. I hope that those who hear of your story will learn from your generosity and strive to make the world a better place.
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