Just eat it

I am mortified that my last post was on November 13. Pathetic. Life has been busy. I was really excited to write and post over the long weekend, but my laptop was down. For some reason I couldn't seem to get my fat butt off the couch and into the den where the working computer was. There is something about my couch that gets the creative juices flowing.

Two weeks ago Mr. Big Momma and I headed down to Orlando (Mistake #1) for a friend's wedding. We decided to make it a long weekend (Mistake #2). It was nice to get away, but I found myself wishing, while in gridlock traffic, that I was anywhere BUT Orlando. We were there for a total of 96 hours and we spent at least 48 of them in traffic. Seriously. Luckily our car time was spent in a Prius. Even in gridlock, we averaged 50 mpg. Not bad. The car has a control panel. Technology rules!



The normal display on the panel showed mpg, power generated, etc. Because I am absolutely the worst picture taker, I don't have one to show you. I really do but it is quite embarrassing. I took 100 pictures in 4 days and a good solid 20 of them are in focus. The coolest display was the above image which showed the rear view while you were backing up. I was excited because I saw this as probably my only opportunity to get on TV. Prius TV still counts, right? I must say that Mr. Big Momma has mad driving skills. We didn't crash once, even though he spent more time watching the panel than the road. Oh wait, there actually was a crash.....After dinner on Saturday night, I was watching the screen while he was backing up and screaming "They are going to hit us" as a clueless van pulled out and hit us. Poor little Prius.


Mr. Big Momma spends a lot of time in Orlando as his firm has an office down there, so he was quite the tour guide. On our first night he took me to High Tide Harry's. Really bad idea to include Harry in the name of your restaurant. Gag. But, how can you go wrong with this




For those of you who are complaining about not being able to read the sign due to my poor photography skills, it says "40 TOP Quality Shrimp, Steamed or Sauteed. $9.99." Mr. Big Momma couldn't pass this up. Luckily he was there on the right day, the ONLY night to visit HTS's, Thursday Pounder night. Here is what he got...

That is a full pound of shrimp, my friends. It also came with a pound of butter, no additional charge.

If you ever find yourself in Orlando, you should definitely pay Harry a visit. They are the self proclaimed provider of "Reel Seafood." How could you go wrong? Plus, it was late and at that point we were reel hungry. Outside of the cheap shrimp, here are a few additional reasons why you should go:

1. Tartar sauce (clearly not cream of tartar you idiots) in a squeeze bottle. Need I say more?

2. PBR on tap. PBR me ASAP. Now I know why they sold souvenir beer cozies. Isn't it a crime in some states to drink warm PBR?

3. I actually heard a man start a conversation with: "I was watching Overhaulin'...."

4. The music. Literally went from Barry White to AC/DC and back again. We even heard Freebird.

5. Cheapest meal in town. $25 tab which included a hefty tip.

6. The food was awesome!

7. The best bathroom sign EVER: In case of nuclear attack, run in the restroom. No one ever hits anything in there. Aaah, just like home.

Pour one out for my dead homie

As if the Buckeye's loss to Illinois wasn't enough.....

I found out this morning that OSU's most famous squirrel, Whitey had been killed on Friday by an Owl on the South Oval. See the story here. Thankfully (?) a student captured the crime with their cell phone camera. Whitey was famous because he was one of very few albino squirrels. I was never lucky enough to see him on campus.

So Whitey, we miss you already.

Here is a picture of Whitey in happier times.

Friday Trivia

I'm pretty sure that most of you out there would rather read about Friday Trivia rather than my depressing babble. At this point, I totally agree wit ya.

I will give one hint on this one. This line was not spoken in English. It was translated via subtitles. Have at it.


"I love the sea, so beautiful, so mysterious... so full of fish."

Sunday update: Not a single guess? Here is another hint:

You Drive me Crazy

When the shit hits the fan, what is a girl to do? Reach for a brewskie, which is exactly what I've done tonight.

I remember telling my sister a few weeks ago that you need to embrace and remember the days that go by without trouble. They seem to be few and far between these days. I suppose that is just life. My BIL has been home for a few weeks and is doing very well. His HOLE (and I mean trach hole, Mom) has left him sounding like Barry White. Dark, deep and silky. Once it heals, he will get his normal voice back, but I have to say that the Barry voice does intrigue me.

With BIL home, I figured that life would be without drama for a while...after all, I think we deserve it. Foolish me for thinking that the karma police would keep the crap away.

As you already know, Mr. Big Momma was originally someone else's Mr. Big Momma. They divorced many years ago (before I got involved with him, of course) but not before having a child. Jr. is a great kid and I am so lucky to have him in my life. But this life is not without drama. I suppose that it is impossible to avoid drama when you have a baby momma in your life.

Mr. Big Momma called me yesterday and told me that the baby momma wants to home school Jr. Now let me tell you that BM is an idiot, borderline retarded, at least as far as I'm concerned. I know what you are thinking....new wife, bitter of her hubby's ex. So not true. Maybe I'll explain more about this in a future post. But I will tell you the same story that I tell everyone who finds out that my hubby had a child with another woman and asks me how the relationship works. This is the story that sums it up best. Unfortunately there are many other sad stories to tell about her, her relationship (or lack there of) with Mr. Big Momma and her relationship (or lack there of) with Jr. Brace yourself, this is a doosy (sp? remember, I have already had 2 beers, enough to make me an idiot). When Jr. was younger and the baby momma wanted to communicate something to Mr. Big Momma, SHE WOULD TAPE A NOTE ON JR'S BACK. This is a true story, I have witnesses. As hard as this is to believe, it is TRUE. She is a witch who uses every opportunity to get back at Mr. Big Momma via Jr.

I hope everyone out there can understand how frustrated I was to learn that Jr.'s education would now be in the hands of an idiot. It frustrates me enough that his current science teacher can't teach her way out of a paper bag. You science geeks out there would be shocked to see her notes on cellular respiration. Ugh! I spend about an hour on Monday trying to explain this topic to Jr. who was totally confused. I got why. Her notes confused me!

Tonight I had Jr. all to myself due to Mr. Big Momma's work situation. These situations do not come up often. He is a devoted father who would cut off his dick, if he had to, in order to see his son. We talked about the home schooling situation after dinner and boy did I get an earful. Here is a quick summary of what I learned:

1. Baby momma tells Jr. that she wants nothing to do with Mr. Big Momma. She does not want to commincate with him at all.
2. Jr. feels that he can't tell Mr. Big Momma the reality of his life at the other house. He doesn't want to upset his father with the details of his life there.
3. Jr. feels that no one at baby momma's house cares about him, especially baby momma and Mr. Baby Momma.
4. Jr. is pissed that baby momma doesn't want to go to school events because Mr. Big Momma will be present.
5. He is also pissed about the fact that baby momma tells him that she will make 100% of the decisions and refuses to involve Mr. Big Momma.
6. He doesn't understand why baby momma hates me so much and why she won't let him call me Mom. The reality is he has called me Mom for years. Probably about 7 years. Jr. actually made me a card on my birthday way back when which said that his present to me was to call me Mom. He actually asked me if this was ok. Of course I cried like a little bitch. Prior to being called Mom, he called me "His/My Big Momma" which I loved. I wouldn't care if he called me Darth Vader. We have been lucky and have always shared a special relationship. If he never called me Mom, I would have been OK with that. Titles have never been important to me.
7. Jr. is going to a therapist with baby momma and Mr. Baby Momma. He told me that the only way therapy would work was to have the 5 of us attend. Agreed.

I could continue on writing this list until tomorrow morning. This kid totally spilled his guts to me. I know how hard it is to have divorced parents and knew that he was struggling with it, but I had no idea of the extent of the damage. His own mother is creating major drama in his life. So much drama that he doesn't know which way is up.

I will do WHATEVER it takes to make things better for him. I am committed to doing that. I have been committed to this kid from day one. I would have never married his father if I wasn't. My heart is breaking as I think of what a long road this is going to be. Any advice or insight would be helpful.

My sister told me yesterday that she is willing to wage her own war against baby momma. She said that she was willing to egg her house, egg her car, TP her yard, prank call her, run her over, you get the idea. Could you ask for a better sister? The support is greatly needed, so thanks Poop! Yes, my sister's nickname is Poop....I'll save the explanation for another day. My 'family' nickname was Bertha Butt. This was way before anyone new about J. Lo, so I think I am the original.

On a more positive note, one of my very best friends has started her own blog. She actually posted that my blog was her inspiration. Shocking isn't it? She must be just as insane as I am. Probably explains why we are such good friends. I will say though, that having a blog is one of the most therapeutic things. So thank you to all of you out there. I really appreciate your support.

Jr. could after all, be worse off. His last name could be Spears. It is my nature to always find the silver lining.

p.s. I apologize for my drunken writing. Need to get some sleep.

Friday, I'm in love!

Actual voice mail from Mr. Big Momma, 1:42PM today:

"Hi honey. Just wanted to give you a call and make sure that you haven't been chopped up into little pieces. Love ya."

ADT came by this morning to change out some parts in our alarm system. I was working at home, so it was just me and the technician.

I'm wondering......


.....if I hadn't called him right back, how long would he have waited to come home or call the police?

After 9 years of marriage, it really is these little tokens that keep me going! I do think though, that this chainsaw obsession has gone a bit too far!

p.s. that is NOT a picture of Mr. Big Momma.

Friday Trivia

Well, I had the perfect post worked out on my way home from a work happy hour, but it is now lost. When will I learn to carry a pad of paper with me? Probably never.

I decided before happy hour that when I got home, I would not pick up work. Yeah! Tomorrow is Friday and I've got an office day scheduled. Work can wait until then. Mr. Big Momma is out with his boss, so I've got the pad to myself. Perfect opportunity to catch up with some friends and with writing. I had a nice chat with my sister and then with another friend, who I won't name here. She has been going through some shitty shit and found a backstabbing friend topping her shit heap. I'm going to leave out the details so that I can get to my point and to Friday Trivia. Why do so called friends persecute one another? Even outside of being friends, why does one person feel the need to make another miserable? I often wonder this about Mr. Big Momma's ex-wife. They split up years ago, long before I entered the picture. After all of the years that have passed, she still takes every opportunity to try and make his life miserable. You think I would be used to it, but I'm not. But, an ex is an ex for a reason and the dynamic between the two is often hostile. If it wasn't then they probably wouldn't be exes. But why does the dynamic between two supposed friends have to be hostile? No one is holding a gun to your head, forcing you to be friends. I think all of us can look back on their lives and count dozens of people that they are no longer friends with. It just happens. It is even more interesting to think that when two lovers don't feel the love anymore, they break up. Granted, they probably tortured one another for some time, prior to the break up. But, eventually, they broke up and moved on. Why does friendship have to be any different? When two friends go in different directions or have different ideas about how to treat one another, they should just break up and move on instead of sticking around and making each other miserable. Whew, I feel so much better now, thank you very much. I'm guessing this friendship dilemma is exclusive to us XXs and not to the XYs. It would be so much easier to be a guy: less drama, no leg shaving, no PMS and they get better looking with age. Damn!

So on to Friday trivia. I've posted this in spirit of the upcoming weekend. Mr. Big Momma and I are going to a furniture sale in Cinci on Saturday and then having dinner with the family. I am so excited for both. Not much makes me feel as good as furniture shopping, even if we don't buy anything. Mr. Big Momma, I'll make you a deal. Buy me one of these

and you can buy one of these

But then you might turn into this

Oh, behave! It is bad enough you chase me around with the leaf blower. Chasing me with a chainsaw???? Forget about it.

Totally not worth the chair.

Wow, a night free of work and look what you get! So, Friday trivia, in honor of a fun weekend.....

"We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! I've got to be crazy!"

Can you guess the movie?

I hope the Colorado Rockies beat the Bostini Red Socks Cream Pie, Daring Bakers Challenge II

OK, so my title dosen’t really work anymore, but I thought I would leave it. I wrote up my second Daring Baker challenge this weekend, when the Colorado Rockies still had a chance. I have decided to leave this title because I am still bitter that the Red Sox knocked out the Tribe! I grew up in a suburb of Cleveland and have been a long time Tribe fan.

This is my second month as a Daring Baker and our challenge was to make a Bostini Cream pie. Here is a recap of the experience…..

Mistake #1: I sat down to review this month’s challenge and make my grocery list. I wrote down “cream of tartar” and didn’t think much about it. Until I got to the grocery store. It was at that moment that I realized I had no fargin clue was COT was. I thought about using a life line and calling someone, but figured that wandering the grocery store, trying to figure it out myself would be a better idea. So, after navigating the isles and the annoying mid-day shoppers, I decided that COT was probably tartar sauce. It was creamy and I felt that tartar was close enough to tar-tar, right?? WRONG. Before adding the impostor COT to my egg whites, I figured I would at least do a quick internet check. I realized that the two were not even close to being the same thing. Why didn’t they just tell me that COT is potassium hydrogen tartrate? That I get. Science truly is the international language. To my more sophisticated Daring Bakers, please don’t hold this confession against me. This is my first experience baking with COT! I swear, I have learned my lesson.

Mistake #2: The Daring Baker group has two blogs: one that is visible by everyone and one that is only visible to its members. The member only site has questions, tips and posts of the finished challenge. Very useful information that is helpful to look at BEFORE you begin the challenge. When I made the custard part of this recipe, I put it into star shaped molds. After several hours in the fridge, the custard didn’t firm up. After looking at the blog I realized that many others had this problem. I couldn’t redo because I was out of whole milk (Jr. finished the rest with dinner as a special treat….did you realize that a serving of whole milk has 16 grams of fat and 22 grams of sugar? Yuck!). So I just modified how I put it all together. I’ve got the rest of the cups in the fridge and am hoping for an overnight miracle.

This was a fun recipe to make and didn’t take as long as I thought it would. It did take me a little longer because I had to go back out to the store for some cream of tartar…… OK, I’ll stop complaining about my stupidity.

I am one of those weird people that only likes to taste orange flavor in an actual orange or in orange juice. Anything flavored with orange grosses me out. The cake part of this was flavored with orange. Next time I make it I will substitute strawberry. The guys ate this for dessert tonight and they both really liked it. Jr. gave it an 8/10, Mr. Big Momma gave it a 7/10. Although the custard didn’t firm up, it was delicious. The cake portion was spongy and moist.

You can visit http://daringbakersblogroll.blogspot.com/ and see the blog roll of the other Daring Bakers. It is really amazing what some of these talented people can do!!!

P.S. I made the challenge on Saturday. Today is Monday and my custard has STILL not firmed up. Oh well. It was still a blast making this and I couldn’t be more excited about being part of the Daring Bakers!!!