Quickie post

Well, the official start of fall is here, at least for someone who works in college publishing. Sadly, I'm congratulating myself for finishing at 9:45. My goal was 9, but give me a break, I'm rusty.

I have to say though, that it feels great to be back on campus. Most of the faculty are energized and excited to be back as well.

I want a cig right now so badly. What is wrong with my brain that associates cigs and work?

One quick thought. Tonight my husband was taking measurements in my office so that he can install some shelving units and make me a desk (the card table I have been using for the last 6 years is begging to retire). He probably took 10 measurements but didn't write a single one down. Supergenius? Or is this just a man thang?

Ooops..she did it again....

For once in my life, I might be speechless.

Monique and I (sadly) left tennis early tonight so that we could both be home to watch the MTV VMAs. The reason? We wanted to see the comeback performance of Britney Spears. Certainly she had planned the perfomance of her career. We figured we would be dazzled by her dance moves and singing....er, lip syncing. Most importantly, we rushed home wondering, how would Britney shock us this time? Tongue kiss Madonna? Old news. Strip down to a barely there outfit? Been there. Have a snake for a dance partner? Done that. What could she possible do next? It had to be big as this was touted as her comeback performance. I personally was hoping for K-Fed cameo/rap, but no dice. That would have been better than what really happened.

So, for those of you who did not tune in, here is a synopsis of what you missed, in list form, organized by when noticed. (I looked on you tube, hoping to be able to post her performance here, but it wasn't there yet...certainly it will be tomorrow).

1. Boy has she gained a lot of weight. I do remember seeing her on the cover of a tabloid in the grocery store. It appeared that she had quite a bit of cellulite. But, it was the Enquirer, so I figured it wasn't true. Now tonight, I didn't see cellulite, I just saw some flabby thighs and stomach. She was wearing a rather small bikini, so it was difficult to miss them. I certainly think that women experience too much pressure about how much they weight. I know I do. However, I expect my rock stars (can I call her that?) to be fit. If they are not fit, then they should learn to dress to cover up the sore spots like most real women have learned to do. It is sad that she doesn't have that friend who could have told her how inappropriate the outfit was.

2. She was lip synching. No real news here. This is typical for her. Has anyone ever heard her sing?

3. She looked fat. I know I mentioned this already, but I was so taken back by how chunky she looked. I shouldn't be so hard on her.

4. She was wobbly. My husband and 1-L both agree that she looked like she almost fell over a few times.

5. Being wobbly leads me to my fifth point, that she was seriously drugged out of her mind. The rehab stint clearly didn't stick. Britney, we are begging you, please go back!

6. Her new song sucks.

7. The dance moves sucked as well. This is why I am so disturbed by #2.

8. She seemed to not care at all. There was no passion in her moves. She was just going through the motions. Has she given up?

For your own good Britney, I am staging an intervention. Here is what I would like to say to you.

Britney,

Your behavior has hurt me in the following ways:

I no longer can count on you for catchy yet cheesy songs. My inner 13 year old girl is dying thanks to you. You have broken the spirit of at least two other people that I know. Our lives will never be the same. It pains me to think of how your Mother feels about all of this. What have you done to her little girl?

In order for me to keep you in my life, you are going to have to go back to rehab. Following rehab, I'm hoping that you will return to the BFE town that you grew up in and raise your sons there. Your momma will be there to help you, but you can always call Demi Moore with questions. Eventually the paparazzi will get bored with you, just like I have. From there you can live a normal life where no one will care about how much you weigh or what you are wearing. I know that this sounds boring to you, but trust me, it is for the best. It is also reality for 99% of people on earth.

I will no longer be cheering on your comeback if you continue to do these things and don't accept my help. I will no longer wish evil things to happen to K-Fed. I will no longer wish that you will reconcile with Justin. I will no longer wish for the media to leave you along. Don't just be a baby momma...be a real mom to those boys. They need you now and they are going to need you even more once they realize who you are and what you have done with your life. Be a role model for them.

So please, Britney, accept this offer of help.

Sincerely,
Clintonville Big Momma

I really had planned about blogging about the baby shower I attended today. But thanks to Britney, you didn't have to hear about onesies, pack and plays and a room full of women oohing and aahing at everything. It always amazes me how little I know about babies....thankfully!

OH-

Tomorrow morning we will be heading to campus to join 100,000 of our closest friends. We were lucky enough to score football tickets for tomorrows game. Thanks 1-L and N!! Hubby and I will COTA it down tomorrow and meet up with the Geriatric Aces for some pre-game beverages. It will be interesting to see if I can gag down a beer at 10am. I have never been much of a morning drinker. Never been a kegs and eggs kind of girl.

I am super duper excited have tickets as there is nothing I enjoy more than Buckeye football. I still tear up during Script Ohio. Jr. and I went to last weeks game and we were treated to FOUR Script Ohios at the same time. The alum band did the main two, the regular band did one in each end zone. Quadruple tears for me!

I attended OSU for more years than I care to admit. And not because I changed majors 50 times, but because I did my masters there and spent a few wasted years working on my Ph.D. During all of those years, I got football tickets every year. I am embarrassed to say that I only went to one game. I sold my tickets every year. The year that I got married, I got two tickets and sold both. But hey, it was a year where we had a home Michigan game and my husband and I had a honeymoon to pay for! I think we got $400 for the pair. Quite a deal by today's standards. It is hard to believe, given all of the Buckeye spirit that I have now, that I had none while I was in school. Maybe I am overcompensating??? I'd like to think that the mature me has more appreciation for the great traditions that exist at OSU. Maybe it is just the beer? Who knows and who cares. Go Bucks!

Friday Movie Trivia

I had to struggle for a quote tonight. I even had to struggle to think of a movie. Not good, especially since it was a short week. On a side note, I played tennis tonight and my poor 34 year old back is starting to ache. Has old age begun to set in? I did get to play with my new racquet and I must tell you that it is sweet. I'm hopeful that I will be able to lead the Geriatric Aces (my tennis team) to victory on Tuesday. A girl can dream, can't she?

Because I am totally ADD, I stopped thinking about the quote and started thinking about Buckeye football, which lead me to the game on Saturday and tailgating. This quote popped into my head. How could you go wrong with the words Ohio and brewski in the same quote! Without further ado, here is the movie quote of the week:

"This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress."

As always, no cheating please. Didn't your mother tell you that cheaters never win? If it is too easy, just send back another line from the movie. There are many other juicy ones to pick from. TL, if you are reading, I'm thinking of a line for you to shoot me back....one my favorites. I didn't post it because it was way too easy.

Give me that stuff, that funk, that sweet, that funky stuff

Interesting title, huh? I heard this song on the radio earlier today. If you can guess who sang it, then you should probably head to 7-11, pick up a 40 and pour one out for my favorite dead homie.

Anyway, back to business and the logic behind the title of this post. I was having a conversation last night with a friend that I have known since high school. She was telling me about her massive sweating problem. Standing still, she finds herself sweating more than Chris Farley on a coke binge. While riding the train to work, she was informed by a teen passenger that "somebody busted a pit." It was clear that he knew it was her that was guilty of the pit busting.

What is the deal with the youth of today? I do admire their clever verbage. But, they seem to have no internal screening process and no respect for adults. This friend was also telling me that there were messages being played over and over again on the TV asking parents to not forget about sending their children off for the first day of school. Frightening, isn't it.

No Mommie Dearest here.

I was never one of those girls who dreamed about getting married. When I got engaged and started planning our wedding, I was surprised to find out that people expected us to have an engagement party and pick a color theme for our wedding. Barf! I did neither. Because I never dreamed about what my wedding was supposed to be like, I had few expectations. As far as we were concerned, we needed a priest and a church, a hall, some food and booze. Booze was basically the theme of ours and that is probably why 9 years later people still talk about our wedding. There was also an odd couple hook up at our wedding, but I’m sworn to secrecy. Luckily my husband and I were in the lobby during the time my girlfriend did the walk of shame. Unfortunately for her, she will never live this down.

The reason I never dreamt about my wedding was because I never really thought I would get married. But, I met the right person and the rest is history. I also never thought that I would have children, but I was wrong about that too. My perfect groom came with a son. When we got married he was 6 years old. I have been in his life since he was 3, so luckily for me, he really doesn’t remember a time when I wasn’t in his life. I couldn’t imagine him not being a part of mine…

This past Saturday I had to take my husband to the emergency room. He suffers from kidney stones so we are frequent visitors. While we were in the waiting room my phone kept buzzing with text messages from Junior. I couldn’t help but feel super duper happy that he felt that I was worthy of multiple text messages. Most of his messages were about what he was eating. After all, he is 15 and spends more time than not with his mouth full. It didn’t matter to me what his messages were about. The fact was, there were things that he wanted to tell me. He could have just as easily text messaged one of his friends.

Now I am not one of those parents who are kidding myself about my relationship with him. I know that he thinks I am old and uncool. I would never do anything to get him to think I am his friend, and I don’t mean that in a harsh sense. Parents can’t be both parent and friend. One of the reasons my husband asked me to marry him was because he felt that I was worthy of helping him to raise his son. The second reason was that I chose steak over salad on our first date. My eating skills rival any man out there, with the exception of maybe Takeru Kobayashi.

People always ask us if we will have children. Our answer is always the same: we already do. There are no and have never been any plans to have more children. Some people in our lives can’t let this go. “But you are such good parents.” “Don’t you want your OWN children?” The second one pisses me off the most. Of course I wonder what our biological child would look life. After all, I am a geneticist and I can’t help myself. What I have learned after all of these years as Junior’s mom is that DNA really has nothing to do with it. He is my kid in my heart and that is what counts.

Over the years people have asked me what it takes to raise a kid when you are the extra parent. I certainly have made my fair share of mistakes, believe me. But, here are a few things I have learned:

1. Do not use the word step parent. This is an ugly word. It should never be said in front of the child. Kids do not hear “step” but hear “less”, “inferior”, you get the point. I have made this mistake 2 times and unfortunately it was because of my own vanity. It can be confusing to people who are capable of doing the math: 34 year old woman with 15 year old kid. I am deeply sorry for ever saying this and have sworn to myself that it will never happen again.

2. With that being said, you are not the child’s parent. In my situation, Junior has two sets of parents. His biological mother is still in the picture. She is a trouble maker and a flake and that will be the last I will say about her. But, she is his mother. I am the extra mother. The job of a step parent is to help your spouse raise the kid/s in the manner they see fit. My husband wants me to contribute, and I do, but ultimately how Junior is raised is his choice.

3. Never ever bash the child’s biological parent. This should be an obvious one, but it is the one that is most forgotten.

4. You should never force the child to call you mom or dad. Besides, it is much cooler when they make the decision to do this on their own!

5. Never give your spouse grief about money that is spent on the child. The same thing goes for time.

6. Try to understand their situation. Often times the child goes between two houses, has two set up parents, two sets of clothes/toys and the king daddy, big kahuna, drum roll please, two sets of rules. My parents divorced when I was 18. I did not live at home, but have experienced my fair share of duplicates, two Thanksgiving meals in one day is a personal favorite. If you are lucky enough to have married parents, just ask an adult who had to deal with their parent’s divorce. Trust me, there are enough of us out there.

7. Do not try and become the child’s friend. They have enough of their own at school who are their own age. No matter how hard you try, you can’t compete. And, if you try, you will look like a chump. But, keep in mind that this is coming from a woman who has a blast with her son. When Dad is out of town, we always eat ice cream before our dinner. The two of us can often be found dancing around the house and downloading music. This is (sadly) because I have the musical taste of a 15 year old boy. There is a line between having fun with a kid and being their friend. Parents should take the time to enjoy their kids. I’m convinced that this, along with Suduko and Oil of Olay eye cream will keep me young forever.

I am no expert, just someone who has experienced divorce and remarriage from both ends. It has been no picnic. It took me many years to deal with my parents divorce. I’d like to think that those years of trying to figure it all out helped me in managing my current situation. I am and will forever be a true optimist.

If there are others out there in my situation, I’d love to know more about how you make it work.

Its 3am I must be lonely....

I wanted to post this last night, but couldn't get on the internet.....

“Its 3 am I must be lonely. I can’t be help but be scared of it all sometimes.”

Actually, not at all. No to being lonely. No to being scared. I would agree that the moon don’t hang quite as high as it used to. But have you taken a good look the last few days? Not only does the moon seem low, but it seems HUGH!

“I like big butts and I can’t deny. You other brothers can’t deny….. Deep in the jeans she’s wearing, I’m hooked and I can’t stop starin’.”

Aw yeah, who doesn’t like a big but? Big momma got back, hell yeah! I can’t get out of lyric hell. Today was my birthday, 25 plus 9. Yes, I have held on to the 25 too long. I am 34 years old. But, I feel 25, at least on the inside. I am in lyric hell because I am listening to the CD of my life, at least according to my sister. So far, she hasn’t gone too far off. Surprising, since she is 6 years younger than me. So far we have heard The Cure, Depeche Mode, the beach boys??? (um, I’m not that old!!), Nine Inch Nails and Sir-Mix-A-Lot. Not too shabby, huh? If you would like a copy of this CD, just let me know. I would be more than happy to forward a copy. Thanks 1-L, the CD is great. I have already listened to it multiple times.

So why the 25 plus 9, you ask? Good question. I am still asking myself this question, nine years later. Why the hesitation to grow older? You can deny it all you want, but we all agree that it sucks getting older. This is hard to say coming from someone who loves her birthday. I have already started counting down to 25, er, 35. Ouch. 35. 35. 35. That sounds terrible. Almost 40. All day I heard from my hubby (who is 40, mind you) that my bones were brittle, osteoporosis has set in. HA! In reality, I am in better physical shape that I have been in my entire life. I’d like to think that I could kick my husband’s ass, but the reality is, he is much bigger than me. Oh well.

Anyways, what is with the drama of aging? I was reading an article the other day. It was written by a woman in her 40’s. She was talking about how she had seen a picture of herself, 10 years ago. She was surprised at how young she looked, but was aware of how much she had learned about herself and the world, since that picture was taken. I have the same picture. It is of me and my friend T, at 17 years old, seniors in high school. We are dressed as hippies for senior something day. Yikes, do we look young (read young AND thin). But boy, were we stupid. Still naïve about boys, young T wondered if you sucked or blew for a blow job. If only our lives were still that simple. I’m not even sure at that point that I had an answer for her.

So the reality is that we as women get older. But, if you are doing it right, we get wiser. I try to look at the aging process from this perspective. Ones 20s are confusing. If anyone tells you differently, they are full of shit. You spend your 20s trying to figure out who you are, what you want out of life, what you are willing to do, what you would rather not do. Hopefully you figure this out before you enter your 30s. I did and it has made my 30s some of the best years of my life. I know who I am and know what I want out of life. I know what I am willing to put up with and what is b.s. I know what I am good at and what I need to work on. I also am aware of the fact that there are some things that I should just give up on (like smoking for instance, which I did none of tonight, yeah ME!), that life is too short. We as women should look at aging as a badge of courage, a rite of passage. For some reason this is difficult to do. We are told by society that aging makes us weak and forgettable. The reality is aging makes us who we are. We should embrace it. Experience does count. The wrinkles on our face represent!

Being that today was my birthday, I invited some friends over. Ironically, those who were younger than me left early. It was us older folk that hung around and drank by the fire. Was it because the younger folks were tired from trudging their way through their 20s? In reality it was probably because one of them was preggers, others had puking babies and yet others were illin’, but just go with it. In my reality, it was those who were above 30 that stuck around because they understood what a milestone it was to celebrate another birthday. And not in the, “I’m 95 and ready to die” sense. They understood that I was not just celebrating another year of life, but celebrating another year of understanding. Not just of myself, but of the world and the people around me.

What a beautiful thing this was. People who stick around, but don’t stick around too late. The perfect friends, as far as I’m concerned. The perfect friend who buys you a cookie cooling rack (yes boys, I said rack), along with other culinary treasures! The perfect friend who brings you flowers. The perfect mother who buys you a gift card for a facial, knowing that the two of us would go together since I bought her the same thing for her birthday. (And I must brag, the perfect hubby who buys you the tennis racket you have been coveting for months! I am so in the US Open next year….)

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life….take a look around, at least you’ve got friends.”

Yes, Prince has been and will always be a part of the CD of my life. So, to my friends Chris (hubby), Monique/aka Shaq, Susan, Matt B, Deanna, Mike, Jan and Pappy….thanks for coming by. Thanks for staying for a few beers. Thanks for some great conversation. Cheers to you, me and many more occasions to celebrate!